


you have pretty blue eyes (please get me out of here)

by Asteon



Series: The 100: AU Prompts [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Army, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, army life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3613008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asteon/pseuds/Asteon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Clexa AU prompt: Lexa is injured while on tour & Clarke is the army medic who treats her"</p><p>or: Lexa is the worst and best patient Clarke has ever treated</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Graphic stories told

Clarke should have been used to the strange hours, she should have been prepared to run for her life, because if she didn’t run for her life - then the life of the stranger she needed to save would end and it would feel like it was her fault, because she wasn’t strong enough and hell, why the fuck was she even here if she couldn’t even save one life? All her work till now would be pointless, and though she knew when a life could be saved and when it was her fault, she would make sure it wasn’t because she was running late. Boot Camp was over long before she arrived, yet still, she kept it in habit to jog everyday and every morning, so her legs would never give out on her.

But it was different now, she wasn’t in the field anymore, her third tour of two years each was nearly over and they assigned her on base a little ways off from where most of the soldiers were staying. They wanted her to prepare the other medics in the same area, the over enthusiastic newbies who had no idea what they were getting into - same as she was when she first arrived. She would prepare them more than her own mentor did for her, because honestly, it didn’t take very long to realize how much he downgraded his words, his stories - it was a lot more difficult a job then he made it out to be. It was fucking terrifying trying to save someones life while there were bullets flying and the other soldiers were hovering over you, screaming their fucking lungs out while telling you to save their friend’s life, explaining to you how they had to live, for their wife, their husband, for their children and for their goddamn parents who were damn proud of them.

He did not warn her about how she would wake up screaming from the dead haunting her in her dreams, wrapping their hands around her throat until she couldn’t breathe, whispering angrily in her ear at how disappointed they were in her - because they were dead when they should be alive. Why didn’t she try hard enough, why did she have to let them die in a foreign land they came to hate? They all blamed her for not trying hard enough to save them, none of them every cared that she cried for each and every loss.

Clarke would not let that happen to her newbies, she would inflict fear on them so they could be ready for the worst.

But when the sounds of alarms echoed in her room her eyes snapped open and her body shuddered as it tried to keep up with her startled heart that was going just as fast as the beeper still strapped on her side and sending her alerts. There was sweat covering her body and she kicked off the sheets and shivered against the cold, the scrubs she wore to bed clinging to her skin. Her skechers were slipped on and she yelled at the two nurses she shared the room with to hurry to the ER.

Clarke’s training kicked in.

The telecom was on, explaining that a helicopter was en route with two soldiers who needed to be treated. Clarke briefly wondered why they were being transferred all the way out here but pushed it aside for another time, there were other priorities that needed her utmost attention at the moment.

Clarke slammed her shoulder into the doors and it swung open just as she saw her new patient roll into her ER, the flight medic still with the soldier strapped to the stretcher. When she saw her, she rushed over, leaving the patient with the nurses as she went to brief her. They were cutting away at her uniform that was soaked with blood.

“Dr. Griffin-”

“Where’s the other patient?” Clarke interrupted, pulling on gloves while one of her nurses put on a cap to go around her hair.

“Lost him on the way here, he lost too much blood before we arrived. There was nothing we could do for him.” Clarke heart ached for the man but shook her head of anymore thoughts. It would not do her any good to be distracted, to mourn first before last. She put on her mask.

Clarke rushed over to the woman strapped to the gurney, the nurses making room for her as they transferred her onto another bed. The woman, who should have left right after delivery, tagged along.

“What do we have?”

“GSW to the chest, pressure 40 palp.” Her nurse Bellamy said, wide eyed and waiting for orders. Clarke turned around and pushed the flight medic back when she pressed against her side.

“You’ve done your job, now you need to let me do mine, Ms…”

The woman with the thin nose stared at her, her eyes pleading. “Anya, my name is Anya. Please save my sister Dr. Griffin. She’s the only family I have left, our tour was ending in three weeks. I can’t go home without her.”

Clarke felt her professional mask slip at the words and she soften her face, putting a hand to Anya’s shoulder and squeezing. She gently pushed her back.

“I’ll save your sister, I promise.” It was against the rules she placed on herself as a doctor, to promise something that she literally had no control over. She didn’t have control over death, nor could she save those that didn’t have it in them to survive. But she would try her best, for this woman who looked so broken seeing her sister somewhere she never expected her to be.

Anya was out the room just in time for Bellamy’s voice to ring out.

“Shit. She’s flatline!”

Clarke glanced at the clock, four minutes have past. She snapped on new gloves since there was already blood on the old ones and rushed over, bellowing out orders as she began the process of tubing, picking up the curved laryngoscope to slide it into the unconscious woman’s throat.

She would not let her die.

//

It doesn’t take Clarke very long to find out that Lexa Heda was the worse patient she had ever treated.

They had lost Lexa for 30 seconds before she was revived, much to the relief of Clarke. After that, the surgery of taking out the bullet and patching her up was a relatively easy process, and fortunately for them - there were no other scares. Pushing as much drugs into her as Lexa needed, they then rolled her into the recovery room which only occupants were the ones who were transferred in and would soon be able to leave on an honorable discharge.

In the two days that Lexa was unconscious, most of it being the drugs fault, Anya came and went - but it was Clarke who was there when she first woke up. Clarke had made it her duty to see to Lexa’s recovery, arriving early in the morning and coming back at night, when most everyone was asleep. The blonde would feel compelled to sit by Lexa’s bed, listening to her heart beat on the monitor as it echoed in the wide room. Clarke was fascinated with a person she had never even met before, never even seen the color of her eyes or known how deep or high her voice could be.

Then she knew she was in trouble when she found herself studying a clipboard beside Lexa’s bed early in the morning, studying for any changes that happened during the night while she was gone, and she heard movement on the bed next to her. When she turned, she stared into the most enchanting green eyes.

She got instantly lost in them.

//

“You have really pretty blue eyes,” was the first words Lexa slurred out, her head still foggy and mouth dry from the drugs and being unconscious for so long. She smacked her lips together, grimacing at the taste in her mouth. Her eyes narrowed and she whispered,“I’m a little jealous of them.”

Clarke chuckled and walked over, pouring water from a pitcher into a plastic cup with a straw already in place. “Thank you, but you shouldn’t be jealous of my eyes. You have pretty eyes too.” Lexa tried to take the straw in her mouth but her nose bumped it, spinning it away. When she couldn’t place it in her mouth, Clarke intervened and positioned it between her lips, stifling a giggle. The water was soon gone, drained slowly with warning from the doctor.

“What’s…what’s your name, Doc?” Lexa’s eyes were drooping and her head nodding off, her body needing more rest. But she didn’t falter, didn’t succumb to sleep, not until she got her answer.

“Clarke,” she told her with a gentle smile. “My name is Clarke Griffin.”

And with a dopey smile, Lexa surrendered.

//

“I don’t give a damn about your stupid protocols, I’m getting out of this fucking bed to stretch out my fucking legs!”

Clarke rolled her eyes as she entered the hospital ward, already knowing who was making all this noise so early in the morning. Lexa was already trying to sit up, her face hardened into a glare as she stared Bellamy down until he nearly piddled on the floor. The brunette had been a pain in the ass ever since the drugs finally left her system and her sister was no longer able to stay near her, having to go back on duty for two more weeks before her tour was over.

“You know, for a soldier who’s trained to follow the system,” they both glanced in her direction and Clarke ignored the slight flip in her belly as she watched the way Lexa relaxed slightly in her presence. Bellamy was relieved, it was quite clear on his face. “You follow orders like shit.”

Lexa’s lips twitched but she didn’t say anything. She stayed in her position on the bed, her bare legs touching the cold hard ground while her arms were placed behind her to hold her body up. The blonde passed Bellamy and slapped his back, making him stumbled forward and glare at her. “I’m relieving you of your duties today, Bell. You have a video call from your sister, I set it up so you can take it in the next room.”

Bellamy’s face brightened immediately at the mention of his sister and he gathered his belongings quickly, kissing her cheek before rushing to the door with a skip to his step. “Thanks, Princess! I own you one.”

Clarke’s smile faltered when she turned to her favorite patient and saw the permanent scowl on her face, her eyebrows furrowed as she watched Bellamy leave the room. When Lexa turned back to looked at Clarke, another mask was set into place and what little emotions she let be shown before was gone. Her eyes though, they shined brightly as they drank in the doctor, stopping only when they got caught into Clarke’s powerful gaze.

“I was going to ask how you were doing today.” Clarke sat on the edge of the bed, “But I can already tell you’re feeling much better since you’re scaring my nurses and expecting to get out of this bed.” She patted the bed to emphasis.

“I’m healed enough to leave this bed.”

Clarke lifted an eyebrow at the challenge before getting off the bed, gesturing for her to get up. She stopped her when Lexa began to rise, lifting up her index finger. “Only if you can get up without wincing, then I’ll let you take a lap around the room. If you can’t do it, then you’re going to wait in bed and rest until I give you the go-ahead. Do I make myself clear?”

Lexa smirked but nodded, “Yes, Doctor.”

“You may go then.”

Turns out Lexa was pretty good at hiding her pain.

//

The tenth day Lexa was admitted into Clarke’s hands, a visitor arrived for her. He was a tall brute with the usual buzzcut and dressed in his crisp military garb, stripes and all. Clarke couldn’t see how high his rank was from the spot she sitting across the room, as she was checking the bandages of an unconscious patient that arrived last night, but from the two other soldiers that were placed by the door - she guessed he was pretty high up. Especially since upon his arrival, Lexa’s back immediately straightened and she saluted him from her bed.

“Sir, what are-”

He lifted his hand to stop her and pulled up a chair, sitting at the edge of it.

“I got word from your sister, I came as soon as I could.”

Lexa winced and her shoulders slumped. When she bowed her head to the unknown stranger, Clarke wanted nothing more than to make him leave, to yell at him for breaking Lexa. She did not like seeing the distressed look on her face, the panicked shifting of her weight, the fidgeting of her hands as she got nervous from his powerful presence. It was actually familiar, now that Clarke looked at it -

“I’m sorry, Sir. I couldn’t-”  
  


“I’m proud of you, Alexandria”

Lexa sucked in a deep breath, nearly gasping at his unexpected praise and when she looked up, there were tears in her green eyes. The man with the same colored eyes went and sat on the bed, moving his hand to brush at the fallen tendril of hair that escaped from where it was supposed to be, pulled up and out of her face in an elaborate of braids.

“You saved your men, you protected them.”

Lexa shook her head profusely. “No, I didn’t save them all. I should have died, not Gustus. I couldn’t save Gustus.” Tears were now rolling down her cheeks.

Clarke felt intrusive at the moment and wanted to be anywhere but in the ward. She felt like she was spying, seeing something that was not meant to be seen at this time. She shouldn’t be seeing this side of the woman who she saw as very stubborn, so very strong - always wearing a mask to those she distrusted. It was molded into her by the army, creating her into their soldier. Lexa wasn’t the first person she had seen like this, she just seemed the strongest, better at it then most. But this side of her was precious, a privilege. She shouldn’t be anywhere near her at the moment. It was not meant for her to see.

Unwanted memories invaded her head and she began to panic.

So as quietly as she could, she made her exit out of the back door. She pushed it aside, ignoring it, fighting the urge to cry when Lexa’s voice still made it to her ears one last time.

“I couldn’t save him, Daddy. I couldn’t…”

Clarke covered her ears.

//

Anya told her in the cafeteria two days later, the outcome of why Lexa was transferred to this base. Others were already whispering about Lexa, but she never listened, never paid any attention to them because she didn’t feel like it was their story to tell. But when Anya sat in front of her with a curious look on her face, explaining to Clarke how Lexa knew she was there two days ago when her father visited, she wanted to be the one to explain - with Lexa’s permission of course. She also wanted to tell her how much her sister was hurting now, because of a certain blonde doctor.

Because Lexa had been asking for her favorite doctor, whom she knew was avoiding her. And she didn’t want to be avoided when she was going home in a week’s time, right along with Anya who was getting an early discharge. Lexa wanted to see her one last time, and Anya was her last chance at making it happen.

“Lexa’s team was on their way back from a scouting mission in town.” Anya started, picking at the cup of coffee before her. “It was an easy operation they’ve done for the past couple of months, and the people know them and they even trust them. But for some reason that day was different. They were so close to the border of their base when a bomb went off beside them.”

Clarke’s hands were in her lap, twisting, touching her scrubs. They couldn’t sit still, not when the story escalated from there.

“They were lucky, it discharge early and their vehicle was only tossed on it’s side. No one was injured and they managed to all get out, Lexa made sure of that.” Anya smile, proud of her little sister. Then it slowly faded. “But then shots went out, one hit Gustus in the stomach, another in the shoulder before Lexa ordered them to get to cover. Apparently they were waiting for them, they placed the bomb there after they left for their mission - waiting till they got back before they could jump them.”

Clarke gritted her teeth as Anya crushed the empty cup in her hand. She looked up at Clarke, quirking her lips again. “Lexa was strong, stubborn like usual. She ordered for cover fire, ordered for them to wait until their backup arrived. Then she dragged Gustus to cover all by herself, and if you have ever seen Gustus, he’s not the smallest guy. Lex was shot in the chest while protecting him,” she looked down, “But in the end he didn’t even make it.”

“They managed to all survive until more troops came to their aid and by then Lexa’s body was starting to give out, the adrenaline leaving her. I got a call and got my team, rushing over to them, not knowing it was my little sister who needed our attention. The whole time I had my hand pressed against her chest to stop the bleeding, all she could say was for me to save Gustus, save him because he was a lot worse than she was. And the whole time I couldn’t tell her that he was already gone, before we could even pick him up.”

Anya looked up, her eyes fierce. “We’re not close to our father, he had never been there for us when we were little. The army was his life. But for some reason Lexa still loved him, admired him even. That’s why she joined the army, to make him proud of her. I only joined because I couldn’t leave her. All we ever had was each other and I didn’t want her to be alone” she smiled. “But I didn’t have to worry, she’s pigheaded, stubborn. She gained in the ranks rather quickly because of it, and when she got a team, she gained another family. They were the only other people she ever trusted.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

Anya glanced up, resting her chin on her hand.

“Because she trusts you and losing you would be like losing Gustus all over again.”

Clarke didn’t need to hear anymore, she got up from her spot and walked away, feeling Anya’s eyes on her back the whole time.

//

Lexa was standing out of her bed and leaning against the wall, staring out the window at the helicopter that had just arrived to take her home. She was already dressed in her uniform, even though she was informed she could wear more comfortable closing during her transfer. The brunette wasn’t standing as straight as she could have been, the bullet wound still hurting terrible at times, but she didn’t care. As long as she went home, away from the desert that was bringing her nightmares.

Footsteps sounded behind her and she guessed Bellamy was back with the little things she had at her other base, which Anya was happy to retrieve before their departure. She was a little sad that she wouldn’t be able to see her team again, but it wouldn’t be too long before she could see them again. They were all on their way to the end of their tour, and soon, she could see them again. This was going to be their last tour together, their last tour in the army, and they had all made promises that they would stick together.

Family always sticks together.

A throat cleared and Lexa stiffened involuntarily because it didn’t sound like the deep voice of a male. This one sounded much too feminine to be Bellamy. There was only one other person she knew who would approach her, the other nurses steered clear of her like the plague. She could be a real bitch when she wanted to be, especially to the people she did not want to see. Lexa only wanted to see one person, and she hadn’t seen her in nearly a week.

Clarke looked exactly like the last time Lexa had seen her, right up to the pale blue scrubs and comfortable neon skechers. She had only ever seen her in her uniform once and only because officials were coming to check on Lexa, to inform her of what happen - what went wrong. Clarke was not in the room but she had escorted them to her and then promptly left. Lexa wished she could have seen her wear the uniform again, one last time.

“Happy that you’ll finally get to go home?” The smile was awkward on her face, and so was her hands that were pulling on her scrubs.

Lexa gave her a nod before looking back out the window, swallowing the lump in her throat. She couldn’t look at Clarke, not when she knew it would be the last time. Lexa didn’t know why she felt like this, didn’t know why she felt so flustered in the blonde’s presence. Her smile was the highlight of her days, what stopped her from panicking when all she felt was pain at night. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was blue. And that meant everything to her.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered so close to her that Lexa shivered.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because you were in pain.”

Lexa scoffed, “I was shot, of course I was in pain.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Lexa turned around, her eyes glowering. She stepped into Clarke’s space, her head held high.

“What do you want me to say?” She nearly growled. “I’m confused. I’m frustrated, irritated. I don’t know how to react when you’re here and that scares me the most. All I know is that when you’re around me I feel at peace. Why is that Clarke, why is it that when you’re around me I don’t hurt anymore?”

“Because you know I feel the same way.” Clarke says, taking her hand, encouraged when Lexa didn’t pull back. “We both know what it’s like to lose ourselves in our work, to lose the people we love because of it.” She kept going even after Lexa sucked in a breath. “When I first got here, I was the newbie hotshot. I was confident in my work, arrogant even. I was first a combat medic before I switched over to being a flight medic. On the ground, I felt powerful, but up in the sky…I didn’t think anything could stop me.”

Lexa entwined their fingers.

“My best friend Wells, he was always attached to my hip, even as children. We were both army brats. He joined the army because his father was a general and wanted to make him proud, but he couldn’t be in combat - he wasn’t capable of hurting people. He was a giver, a healer.” Clarke smiled and Lexa wondered what memories where being remembered in the blonde’s head. “So he became a flight medic. He even went as far as learning how to drive a ‘copter in case of an accident.”

“We had both been on duty for a year and I had just transferred over to his flight team a week prior. I loved working with my best friend again, I had forgotten what it was like being with my family, someone who didn’t actually annoy me.” Her laugh was hollow, emotionless. “I remember complaining because we were disturbed so early in the morning and Wells, oh god, Wells - he slapped me on the back good naturally to wake me up. I flipped him off and we made our way to our helicopter. It took us thirty minutes before we both realized that we were in over our heads, that we should have waited till our support team arrived.”

“This town, the town was on fire. A bomb went off in the middle, civilians were screaming, scrambling out into the desert even though the troops were telling them to stop, that there were mines set up. They didn’t care. They went, ran faster than I could have thought possible and then there were more explosions.”

Clarke looked down and Lexa pulled on her hand, guided her to an unoccupied bed. They sat down. Lexa did not rush the doctor who was trying to recollect herself.

“Is this the massacre of 2012?”

Clarke looked startled, surprised, but she nodded. “Were you there?”

Lexa smile sadly, “I was one of the soldiers trying to stop the civilians from running into the mines. It was probably the worse I’ve headed into.”

“Yes, that’s what Wells said.” Clarke wiped at the tears that were forming angrily. “He was older than me, been in service a year before I did. He was in shock through most of it. We were on our second delivery, we had on three soldiers and a little girl in our care. We weren’t supposed to pick up the girl, but Wells being Wells, he couldn’t leave her there bleeding. So we took her. He said he would take the blame, so I let him. Oh god, I shouldn’t have let him. It was my fault.” Tears were freely rolling down her cheeks.

Not helping it any longer, Lexa used her hands to wipe away the tears before cupping her cheeks, her thumbs rubbing soothingly on her cheeks.

“What happened?”

“The girl,” Clarke whispered. “She wasn’t as hurt as we had first thought. She was faking it, hiding a knife in her pants.” Lexa almost stopped her, not wanting to see Clarke in so much pain, but she knew the doctor had to do this - or else it would get more painful, hurting her until she burst right open. Just like her, Clarke had been holding it in all this time.

“She went for Wells, stabbed him in the neck. I was putting pressure on a GSW to a soldier’s thigh, it nicked an artery and I knew he wasn’t going to make it but still I tried, repeating over and over again how close we were to the base, encouraging him to keep his eyes open. But they were already closed. And then I heard Wells gargled scream and when I turned around, the girl was still holding the blade. The other two nurses and I froze, we didn’t know what to make of the situation. So when she lunged at me, I didn’t react.” The hands on Clarke’s cheeks tightened its hold.  

“Wells was the only one who reacted, even thought he was bleeding out. There was so much blood. He grabbed onto the little girl and he flung himself out of the helicopter, dragging the girl with him. I can still hear the little girl’s screams as they fell down.”

And then Lexa’s arms were wrapped around her, hugging her tightly against her chest as Clarke cried out. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but Lexa stayed still until the woman she was carrying for had calmed down.

“Jesus Christ,” Clarke pulled back abruptly, her eyes red from crying and wide. “I’m the worst doctor ever.” She grabbed at the uniform shirt Lexa was wearing until hands stopped her. Clarke glanced up “I need to check to see if I opened the wound.”

“I’m fine, Clarke.” Lexa was blushing, her jaw moving as she swallowed. “I think I’d know if you made it worse.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“You won’t.”

//

Even as Lexa got on board the helicopter, bag in hand and Anya sitting right next to her with a small smirk on her face, she couldn’t stop looking out the window. Clarke was there beside Bellamy, her arms crossed as she looked longingly at her. Lexa wanted to jump out again and hug her, pull her close until she couldn’t breathe, maybe even kiss her like she had wanted. But they were not ready for that. There was so much emotions going around that it would only end up confusing them more. And she did not want that. The soldier watched until Clarke was out of sight.

Lexa would wait though, she would always wait. As soon as she landed back on safe ground, on turf she could finally call home, the first act she would do is find out when exactly Clarke Griffin’s tour ended. And then she would wait, wait until she was released. Even if she had to fly across the country to meet her, she would be the first thing Clarke would see.

Then there would be nothing in the way of her kissing Clarke, not this time. Not even a convoy full of enemy soldiers could stop her.

“Oh, I almost forget.” Anya said next to her halfhearted, distracted with the book in her hand. “Clarke told me to tell you to look in your bag when we take off.”

Lexa looked in her bag and grinned when she saw the note that told her that Clarke’s service ended in a month’s time from now, a number right below it and an address.

She was one step closer to the love of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here yah go homies, for those who asked for a second part

Her mother was CEO of Ark City General Hospital, she inherited it from her father who retired early on, ready to step down and let his brilliant daughter carry the reins he knew she deserved. Clarke grew up around the hospital with her mother just as much as she did around the base with her father. They knew her, trusted her. She had an option, a job that she could always take in the ACG; there was always room for Clarke. She was lucky that way; she never had to worry about the “after”, or the what-ifs when it came to the end of her army career. She had stability, people who would look after her and protect her from the coming storm that always followed the “after”. Clarke was rather fortunate to be born in a family that understood, who would acknowledge her when she would come back different, nearly broken.

Her father had been the same and Abby Griffin made sure that when her only daughter came back from falling into her husband’s footsteps, that she would protect her from the fears that would surely swallow her up. Because Clarke needed the security, just like Jake did. Her mother made plans for her, when she was ready, when she had come to terms with her fears. She had always made sure that she knew there was a place at the hospital when Clarke was finished with the army, that they would always take her in. Abby was still hoping that one day her daughter would be the next CEO, the next in line like the other generations that had past. From such a young age, Abby could already tell that her daughter would be much greater than her.

For once in her life, Clarke was actually thinking about taking over, making her mother happy and finally settling down. After all, she had plans now, ideas of what her future could look like. There were no longer any blank spaces. There were colors filled with greens and blues, swirls of brown and soulful greys. Pictures, collages that collided in her mind. Sparks of life, sparks of desire that burned her skin and itched right under.

She could no longer see the future without a certain soldier in her life.

“Welcome home,” was the first thing her mother breathed to her when the door opened, a proud smile on her face when she caught a look of the crisp uniform her daughter wore, her fingers fidgeting with the matching cap. The hug they shared was strong, one filled with merriment, aspirations of the coming future.

“I’m home.”

And she felt good knowing that those words felt true.

//

Two weeks into her arrival back in the states, Clarke started her first shift at Ark City General Hospital as a trauma surgeon. Her mother had urged her to at least take a month off, to get settled back into the habit of society once again, but Clarke adamantly refused. She did not like the peace of waking up after the sun had risen (why would she want to waste her day sleeping, adding more time for her nightmares to last?), the familiarity of only hearing the calls of human civilization - there was too much chatter, so much disobedience it made her sick. She needed something that was familiar; she needed to move her hands, to stand for hours on end, days even because she knew how precious human life was and wouldn’t rest until she grasped in in her hands again and placed it back home.

What she needed was orders.

It was hard grasping the idea that she was home, safe. Explaining to herself that she was free from the pain, free from seeing the glazed eyes of soldiers as they were told they had to go home, limbs missing, bandages wrapped around their heads - tears rolling down their faces at they sobbed to her about their hopeless ‘afters’.

_“But the army is my home.”_

_“Where do I go now?”_

It was never said out on the field, it was taboo to think of your negative life; seen as weak. Like a cancer, it was always there - hiding, lurking behind built up walls. They were not like her, they didn’t have stability, family that protected them from the memories that would always haunt them. It was so hard to explain to herself that she had nothing more to fear when all she could think about were the soldiers who had everything to fear.

The dead may be gone but the living were always hungry, clawing at their faces until they choked on their own blood and struggled to breathe.

There was so much to do still.

_….Trauma alert….-alert….STAT-_

The intercom blared on just as the double doors burst open, admitting an EMT pulling a stretcher and a blood soaked body, and equipment that was already beeping wildly. The male EMT was counting aloud, compressing the man’s chest in rhythmic pumps before another would deliver a breath through an Ambu bag that was already attached to a tube that was protruding from the man’s mouth.

“GSW to the chest,” the female EMT called out to any doctor in the facility, her eyes never leaving the body in front of her. “There’s another one coming!”

Clarke rushed over just as they slid the gunshot victim onto a treatment table and one of the nurses began to cut the remains of his tattered clothing, listening intently at the EMT who announced his conditions, his BP - and the pulse that was lost minutes ago. She could hear a loud commotion behind her and she turned to see as another victim enter through the double doors, more shouting following as the EMTs passed them along to another doctor and his set of trauma nurses. Clarke glanced at the EKG, but most specifically his arterial line.

“Exit wound?” Clarke clicked on a flashlight and quickly checked the man’s pupils for brain activity. Unresponsive; he was not getting enough oxygen to his brain.

“None.”

Clarke sucked in a deep breath and slipped on her professional mask as the nurses turned for their orders, watching as their doctor pulled out her stethoscope and pressed it to the side of the victim’s chest. She tilted her head to her nearest trauma nurse just as she took the place of the exhausted EMT.

“I need you to open the thoracotomy tray.”

It was just the beginning of her day.

//

The coffee in her hand was already cold as she read over the paperwork laid out on the table while her other hand twirled a pen absentmindedly. Clarke had to read the sentences over and over again until they stuck, her mind on other matters that happened that day. She was mostly worried about her patient who she sent to the OR after stabilizing him. UWM. Unidentified White Male. John Doe.

The police were looking for his family since he had nothing on him that identified who he was and where he lived. The other victim had his wallet on him but witnesses stated that they were both strangers to each other. It was all a stroke of bad luck that they were in the liquor store when a young white male with a red dipped nose and flaming dark eyes walked in with a gun pointed at them to surrender their belongings. Something must have happened because they struggled and ended up in ACG, Clarke’s patient up in the ICU still struggling to live while the other was rolled straight to the mortuary, never evening leaving the ER. He could not be brought back to life after arrival.

Did Clarke leave the army just to enter into another war?

She should have been unwinding in her on-call room while she had the chance since her ER was in a rare moment of peace, but she couldn’t see herself actually resting. The nurses could handle most of the people that entered the ER, nothing serious enough that it needed her attention just yet. Clarke gave herself a short break and decided on a late lunch since she skipped breakfast in the morning. Instead, she found her appetite had nearly depleted and all she really wanted was coffee - which was another lie since she barely drank any before it turned cold.

Taking care of herself was becoming a lot of work for her.

“Not hungry?”

A figure entered her vision and sat across from her, startling Clark enough that her pen flung out of her hand and skidded across the floor. Blue eyes widened as it stopped at the figure’s feet and she traced the spit-shined boots up to the collar of the shirt before landing straight into the pools of enchanting green eyes.

A sharp intake of breath.

Lexa leaned down and picked up the pen, spinning it between her fingers before offering it back to Clarke. When the blonde didn’t take it right away she placed it by her papers, her smile faltering at the awkward silence.

“You didn’t call.”

Clarke didn’t mean for that to be the first thing she would blurt out but it was the first coherent thought that entered her head, alongside the tremendous amount of happiness of seeing Lexa again, looking so healthy and young. The last time they seen each other, Lexa was still very pale, her eyes rimmed red and her hair dull against her skull. Now she looked alive, her eyes bright, skin slightly tanned (there was so much color in her cheeks) and her hair was voluptuous, wavy even under the same elaborate show of braids that kept the silky hair away from her face.

She still looked so beautiful.

Lexa blushed under Clarke’s gaze and glanced down at her lap, shifted under their intense scrutiny. When she looked up again, she was biting her lip.

“I wanted to,” she said.  _So badly._  “But I needed to do something before I did. I was hoping I would finish it before you arrived in the states but my plans didn’t exactly work out.”

“What did you need to do?” Clarke ignored the ache that seethed in her belly, knowing that Lexa put her own needs over Clarke’s. It was stupid of her, childish, to even think in such a way. She was no child, no teenager; yet why, why was she acting like one, grieving like one? It wasn’t something she could help, she simply couldn’t stop the emotion battling in her head. She spent hours looking at the phone hoping Lexa would call her, hoping to hear her husky voice again.

There were many hours spent looking at the phone then looking at the computer - debating with herself if she should look Lexa up instead. It wouldn’t be too difficult finding out where the brunette lived, all she needed to do was place one call to General Jaha and the address would be in her clutches. But she decided that if Lexa hadn’t called her yet, then maybe it was because she didn’t want to see her, to hear Clarke’s voice again.

Even knowing that, expecting that, she couldn’t help herself from missing Lexa terrible. Her mother was a near wreck trying to figure out why Clarke was so distant. Clarke assumed she blamed it on her service to America.  

Clarke scrapped her chair closer to Lexa and took her hand, not hesitating to stop the need to touch her, feel that Lexa was truly in front of her. Her touch was soft, familiar - it brought so much joy in her heart that she practically choked on it.

“What stopped you from calling me?” She repeated the question, softer, more gentle than the last. Lexa seemed to melt under her gaze.

“I was getting closure.” Lexa spoke in a small voice, turning the doctor’s hand until Lexa could trace her finger along her palm. “I was saying my goodbyes to my family, and to Gustus’. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, especially when I saw Gustus’s family again. I thought they would hate me, scorn me for not saving him, but they hugged me.” She choked on the last bit and Clarke pulled in her in, wrapping her arms around the soldier’s shaking shoulders. They stood like that, Lexa’s face in the crook of Clarke’s neck until she could go on again. She was the first to pull away, wiping the tears the escaped and drowned her cheeks.

“I wanted to say my goodbyes because I knew I wouldn’t see them again, not for a while until I settled into my new place.” Her lips quirked up in a smile. “I had Anya settle in while I was away, so when I came back I didn’t need to do much more but visit you. I wanted to spend as much time with you instead of unpacking.”

Clarke’s heart raced.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m now a resident of Ark City.”

//

“I can’t believe you hid this from me,” Clarke whined, stretching out on the couch with a small pout on her face, her legs placed over Lexa’s lap. “I mean, you -” she waved to Abby, “-of all people. You’re a terrible liar!”

Abby smirked and gulped down the rest of her wine, glancing at Lexa who was wearing a similar expression. “I guess I’m a better liar than you thought.”

Clarke hopped up and leaned against Lexa, taking her hand to entwine their fingers as she bent around the brunette to address her mother, “But seriously? You two have been planning this for weeks?”

The brunette nodded and kissed the back of Clarke’s hand. “I took the first flight over and introduced myself to your mother and explained my plan. She was quite supportive, I thought I was going to have to beg. I mean-” she glanced at Abby with a smile. “-it’s not everyday a stranger knocks on your door explaining how much their daughter meant to them. Your mother kind of just took it all in stride.”

Abby shrugged and got up from the ottoman she was sitting on, signalling that she was going to go into the kitchen. “It’s not everyday I meet someone who wants to woo my daughter. It didn’t take me long to get used to the idea because Clark called me before our meeting saying she met someone special that could lead to love.” Then she walked into the kitchen, leaving the couple to themselves.

The mother ratted her daughter out.

“Mom!” A chuckled could be heard from the kitchen.

The blonde doctor was blushing at her mother’s words and couldn’t look Lexa in the eyes, her ears burning and her cheeks aflame. But she could tell Clarke was incredible happy, Lexa could tell from the crooked smile gracing her lips. Clarke leaned forward and placed a sloppy kiss on Lexa’s cheek before skimming her nose down to her chin. She scooted as close to the warm body as possible, humming when Lexa wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her until she was nearly on top of her lap.

“Are you happy?” Lexa whispered against her blonde locks, kissing Clarke’s forehead when she pulled back to look up into her soulful green eyes.

“Yes.”

Their lips met in a gentle kiss, neither caring about technique or about strength; they just needed to feel. They needed a reminder that they were together and away from the prying eyes of their haunted dreams. It was a reminder that it was possible to be happy, to be filled with peace and hope and so much love that their heart squeezed - it was actually possible to feel alive again. When they were together, it was only them and nobody else. 

Like it should be.

The doctor finally opened her eyes and looked into the green pools of the soldier. They were filled with so much emotion, so much strength and affection that it physically hurt. They whispered to her, caressed her as they told her that everything would be just fine. She was protected, she had shelter that will always hold her in place.

Safe.

Oh god, she was safe again - secured in the safehaven of Lexa’s arms. They tightened around her and she knew that they would never let go.

“Have I ever told you that you have the prettiest blue eyes?”

Clarke melted on spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed reading, thanks everyone for their comments and kudos <3 You have no idea how happy I am when I see this, like honestly. This smile on my face, it's all from you guys. 
> 
> Quick side note: I know Clarke's a little young to be a trauma surgeon (I figure my Clarke is about 25), but I think she's smart enough to get into the program early.
> 
> Thanks again guys, and the anon who asked for the prompt. You can find me on tumblr under let-hope-be-theory where I'll post my stories there first before here and also my stories that I won't post on AO3 because I'm lazy or they are too short. 
> 
> Have an awesome day, homies!


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